Obviously, after Pete's departure, we
are left without a full band. Suffice to say that, if I were a Panda
right now, I would be a sad Panda.
But there is no point crying over spilled caramel (this is a vague attempt at "satire". Ideally, I would have preferred there to have been
a major oil slick in the last few days which I could have referenced
at this point, but I had nonesuch
luck), so we shall pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and begin
trying to find someone that can sit behind us when we play music and
make a lot of noise.
For some reason, the type of “people”
that like to hit things with sticks, latin name Drummi drummerus
are often a very rare breed. They fall into two main categories,
each with their own strengths and “areas for improvement”.
These drummers will
often posses a high level of intelligence pitched against a high
level of social anxiety and awkwardness. For this reason they are
often solitary creatures, preferring the company of innate concepts,
such as “time” and “knowledge”, rather than human
interaction. Meticulous and methodical in their approach, they are
often perfectionists. Practice will come naturally to them and
they will thrive in this environment.
In it for the
party. Popular and cool, these guys will bring people to shows, post
things on the facebook and give gnarly interviews, however, they are
prone to oversleeping and under-practicing and may well “forget to
turn up” to the odd thing, like a gig. They can often be spotted
by their propensity to wear “sunglasses” or “hats” or other
such fashion accessories*, and may well posses painted skin, which I
believe the kidz call “tatoos”.
Of course, a
history of inbreeding has led to hybrid drummers emerging, with a
mixture of characteristics from both species. Depending on their
dominant defining attributes they will either be known as “Sergant
Man” or “Rain Bash”.
So, I guess the question is; do Blue
Screen want a Rain man, a Sergeant Bash, or an inbetweenie? To be
honest, at this precise second, if someone told me Idi Amin had risen
from his grave, moved to Southampton, become a badass drummer and was
looking to join a rock band with some subtle stoner rock influences,
I would say “Deal Noel” without a second's hesitation. Not even
stopping to ask myself the question “Why am I speaking to Noel
Edmonds?”.**
*Although both Sunglassess and hats
have functional purposes, in this instance they will generally be
exhibited as fashion accessories due to the circumstances and manner
in which they are utilised. For example, sunglasses at night time,
or the occurrence of the same hat many times, regardless of the
prevailing weather conditions.
**Of course, this is NOT true. I would
never play in a band with the reanimated corpse of Idi Amin. Apart
from the fact that he was a horrible man, I wouldn't play in a band
with him because I'm a massive racist. Sieg Heil etc.***
***It irritates me that I am not bold
enough to make that statement for comic effect without this
qualifying rebuttal. Obviously, I am not a racist. In fact, I'm
extremely liberal. I would go so far as to say fanatically liberal.
I can and will break promises (specifically relating to tuition fees)
willy nilly. There we are. I did it. I achieved "satire". Thank
you, and good night.
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